John 3:1-3 (NKJV)
There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. This man came to Jesus by night and said to Him, "Rabbi, we know that You are a teacher come from God; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him." Jesus answered and said to him, "Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."
Jesus and Nicodemus - Picture
Lately, it has become even more difficult to receive the Lord's words than before. I asked the Lord why this is...
Today, I want to share an event that comforted me like a drop of living water in my desperate longing after pondering the words I received during a time of meditation.
There was a spiritual growth conference at our church. Already, in some countries, surveillance and control had begun, and public worship had disappeared. Praise, prayer, and gatherings were only possible if reported to the government. In those countries, underground churches and the last missionaries were invited as speakers.
It was a precious time of reflection on the church's spiritual issues, struggles with the flesh, and spiritual battles. Most importantly, I was grateful that those who had been wandering without knowing the way now knew the way and had a goal. Those whose ears had been closed and whose eyes had been blind now had their ears opened and eyes restored. They realized that we are in the last days, and the Lord is standing right at the door.
My own children are also part of this. Through the writings shared earlier, I have learned that my sighs for my children were in vain, and that my disbelief in what the Lord would do was wrong. The Lord assured me that He would teach and care for my children as well. He showed me the fruit of the teachings I received at that time.
Through many events and experiences, the Holy Spirit met with our children and planted a holy hope in them. Since that day, my children have begun to long for the Word, to be curious about the One who spoke it, and to desire to know the Lord deeply.
From reading the Word to asking questions, they began with prayer, and each day was filled with the inspiration of understanding the Word. Their lips continuously bore fruit. What a grateful thing!
The Lord answers and comforts even in my small sighs...
Another thing I have sighed about was my heartache for the church. As people fight their inner sins, they strive to become sons and daughters of God. I do not judge their devotion or zeal. However, we must not make others feel isolated or turn them into people with low self-esteem and a sense of incompetence.
As I heard many testimonies from those who have experienced the Lord’s work, I became more aware of the feelings of isolation, envy, and jealousy rising within me. But I know this too is the Lord's work. Many people, when they discover their own inner flaws, become disappointed, discouraged, and neglect themselves. In such a state, advice and encouragement only add more wounds.
It is a sad thing.
This is the fight with oneself (self-denial).
I would call it the confidence of knowing that it is the Lord's work.
The reason I can have confidence is not because of a high-minded belief in the Lord's faithfulness, but because of His persistence in not giving up on me. Through countless mistakes and disappointments, the Lord continually restores me, pulling me from death to life. I realized that this was the Lord's patience, revealing to me that this is His test.
Even after being born again, trials do not end. However, after being born again, trials are not merely tests; they are the Father's way of raising me. The Father, who knows His children best, customizes the education according to their temperament and characteristics.
Sometimes, the Lord makes me do things I am good at perfectly. But later, I realize He was teaching me about my righteousness and pride. Sometimes, He makes me fail in areas I feel the least confident about. In hindsight, I realize that in those moments, He was teaching me about His love, which never leaves me.
Love is like that. It remains unchanging, whether it is beneficial to me or not.
Through this church conference, I, too, was in that teaching.
There is a saying, "The darkest place is under the lamp." Light shines in the space, but under it, there is a shadow, creating darkness. Christ is the head of the church, the light of the world. The church, as the body of Christ, does the work of the Lord. If we look at it closely, I am the church. When the Head, Christ, shines His light, it is natural that I am in the shadow. While doing the Lord's work, many often want to be the light themselves.
Of course, the Lord uses people to work, so He tells us to be the light. But when we are the light, we are nothing more than a mirror reflecting the Lord's will.
Matthew 5:15-16
"Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."
Modios = Word (a measuring vessel)
The word "modios" (μόδιος) means a basket or bushel, used three times in the New Testament (Matt 5:15, Mark 4:21, Luke 11:33). It refers to an ancient measure of volume, roughly equivalent to 8.81 liters in modern terms. In simple terms, it means that we should not hide our light under a large basket but place it on a lampstand to shine.
2 Timothy 2:20-21
"In a large house, there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work."
Those who serve the Lord in great churches or as ministers must realize that they might, at times, place themselves above God's will. They must recognize that the glory belongs to God and not to their own ministry. The lampstand is a tool that holds the light. Under the shadow of the Lord, we must remain hidden. That is true good works.
When the light of Christ shines fully, the world will see God and give glory to the Creator.
Psalm 91:1-6
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty... You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day..."
Seven years ago, when I saw my desolation, I sighed and wept before the Lord, and He came to find me. Since then, He has been refining and testing me, and in every moment, He has been with me. Every time I overcame one step, I saw countless enemies showing their red teeth, growling and trying to devour me.
At times, in my weakness, I failed and chose the path of sin. But the Lord did not leave me; He rescued me from those dangers. How could I describe all those moments in one testimony?
Once, I had the burden of sharing the grace I received, but I realized after sharing that I was more focused on my pride than on glorifying God. When I shared, the enemy would accuse me, and I became vulnerable to its whispers.
Yet, the Lord allowed me to go through those struggles, not to destroy me, but to teach me the reality of my sinful nature. As Paul said, "I want to do good, but evil is always present with me." Who will rescue me from this body of death?
Lord, please save me. After emptying myself of everything, I return to You with a humble heart. All things like vanity, shame, and pride are nothing but excess.
Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.
I was not changed overnight. Nor was I specially trained or taught. I simply focused on the Lord’s word in my daily life. If I did not receive His word even for a day, I could not live.
Lord, why is it so hard to receive Your words these days?
It’s because your heart is shaken.
Lord, has another idol arisen in my heart?
No, it's because you do not believe in yourself.
Lord, is it right for me to trust myself?
It is to trust the One who leads you, and in that, you trust yourself.
I used to enjoy being in the spotlight, loving leadership positions. But the Lord started humbling me, breaking my pride little by little. I have now learned to detect and deal with my pride quickly.
Even during this conference, the Lord humbled me again, bending my pride to teach me His ways.
Lord, I do not want to be a servant to man. But when will I shine and reflect Your light to the world?
People may not acknowledge me, but I just want to be freed from the accusations and the wrong paths I have walked. That is enough to comfort me.
I returned to a lowly place. I served the saints in small things, stayed in my place, and struggled with my pride. In the end, I was victorious because the Holy Spirit is my teacher.
The Lord’s justice always prevails. Even though I felt unacknowledged like the Samaritan woman, the Lord vindicated me. People came and acknowledged that the things I shared were true. I rejoiced in this.
Just like Nicodemus, people came to me, one by one, saying, "What you shared was true."
The Lord is always faithful and loves all. Even in my small sighs, He answers me.
End of Translation
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